You Know What I Mean

This is a monologue I wrote in 2002. It is fictional to ME but very real to many...

Please feel free to pass it on to as many as you would like.

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LISTENING TO: "Leaving on a Mayday" by Anna Ternheim
READING: "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan

Revert to Foolishness

A story about Francis of Assisi goes like this:
Two men came to him with interest in joining his order. So Francis brought them both out to the garden and asked them to help prepare the garden for the friars' meals. He asked that the two men plant and work the garden as he did. He then planted a few cabbages upside down with the roots up and leaves down. One of the men went about his work reflecting Francis' odd styling. The other was critical at first before simply becoming resentful. "This simply is not the way you do this." He refused to imitate Francis' planting methods because they were foolish and a waste of time.

Francis said to him, "Brother, I see that you are a great master. Go your way! For a simple and humble Order does not need such masters, but rather simple and foolish persons."

This makes me think of a few people who were foolish and nearly mad in comparison to those who determine what should be 'normal' and 'acceptable'. I think of names like Francis of Assisi. Then I think of people like Ghandi and Martin Luther King, Jr. But I, of course, think of Jesus.

Jesus continually lived in ways seen as blasphemous, looney, and impure to everyone else. Jesus would do something which may be the most foolish and crazy thing ever. He dies a horrific death that would 'save' countless people from sin and disconnection from his Father God. That is crazy!!!!

But Paul also reminds us that faith in Jesus will be foolishness to the Greeks and those without the Spirit.

I think of Jesus reminding us in Matthew 18 that unless we embrace some level of foolishness, Heaven will be filed with five-year-olds.

In Matthew 11, he thanks God for hiding things from the master know-it-alls and revealing himself to the little and foolish children.

I want to know how to see God's true wisdom. I want to really experience the love, grace, and reality of God. But I have to come with a level of foolishness I am rarely willing to revert to.

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LISTENING TO: "Mean Everything to Nothing" by Manchester Orchestra

And yet...

God, my Savior, my High Priest, I am in desperate need of atonement. I am continually in need of your mercy and your grace and your atonement. Each week you give me another opportunity to speak to your people. To shepherd. To pastor. I have no idea why! Nothing about me is worthy of filling any of these roles. Most of the time I wonder whether I really am qualified to do what you have allowed me to do.

Undeserving; that is a given.
Unqualified; that I am learning all the time with each opportunity you give me.

Your grace and mercy abounds in so many ways in my life; one of which is the fact you continue to open doors to speak to and care for your people. When I am so desperately in need of your grace, your atonement, your forgiveness. I need a high priest who not only knows my sin and struggle but who is also capable of canceling and forgetting it all so I can actually come closer to you. Daily I am reminded of just how depraved I really am.

Nothing about me makes me any better than anyone else. In fact, anything about me, the worst of sinners, makes me incredibly worse than anyone else.

And yet...

Those two words could sum up so much of my life.

And yet...

There are so many things, if left to myself, make me so much worse than anyone else, AND YET you forgive, forget, make clean, and use me to love your people; your church. I cannot believe it. I scarce can take it in.

Woe is me, a man unclean!

And yet...all this...

I can only respond in gratitude, because there is nothing else I could offer to repay you for all my "and yet..."

Thank you for your love, your mercy, your grace.
Thank you for the atonement.
Thank you for being bigger than me and being willing to use me with my inadequacies and undeserved "and yet..."

- St. PC of the Undeserving

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LISTENING TO: "100 Days, 100 Nights" by Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings

Christians Ain't That Great

Spoke with a friend last night who informed me some common friends of ours are splitting up. This was a couple I had really admired. I admired them for their faith and their lifestyle of faith which looked so different and more engaging than most Christians I can recall knowing.

My friend and I continued talking about how surprised Christians are to discover things like divorce happen to even them. We are almost blindsided more by the fact it is even POSSIBLE for Christian couples to get to a point where divorce happens.

I began to think further on WHY that is.

I think it has something to do with the fact that Christians forget that they hold themselves to a higher...er...a DIFFERENT moral standard, but that far from makes them morally superior.

There is a common perception among Christians, false though it may be, that becoming a Christian brings them innate morality that exceeds that of non-Christians.

It is for this reason a common frustration non-Christians have with Christians is that "they think they are better than everyone else." We absolutely do!

Now matter how many 'Not Perfect; Just Forgiven' bumperstickers you put on your car, we cannot overlook the fact we have come to be convinced we are innately more moral than those without Christ.

Granted, we are a new creation, but we are not a perfect creation. We are still a new creation living in the same humanity that is prone to temptation, sin, and failure. All the more reason to stand firm in our faith, yes! But all the more reason to remember the commonality of fallen humanity we still share with Christian and non-Christian alike.

All the more reason God's mercy and grace should become more of our presentation.



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LISTENING TO: "Only By The Night" by Kings of Leon